Right now, however, I’m just plain confused. Tonight, I was telling myself I have to establish a clear definition of who I am and be done with it. Life would certainly be a lot simpler. My schedule would be set, and I would have a clear and defined path to traverse towards a clearly defined goal. Or would I? Maybe that’s just not me? God, life can be confusing. Or maybe it’s just that we allow our restless minds to create all the fog. An unbridled mind is certainly a “devil’s workshop.” Hence, the need for daily meditation and making time for when we can focus on the essential needs of the soul. Believe it or not, along with all the projects I’ve got going on, I still meditate about 2 hours a day. The problem is that my meditation sessions sort of suck at the moment. I do mantra meditation, but my sessions are not very focused. At least I’m trying to stay connected to the source (Krishna), but I know it’s not the best I could do.
Well, today at least, I spent some “quality meditation time” by chanting my mantra while strolling down the C & O canal path amongst the Potomac woods. I was mostly alone – just me, the trees, a few stray ducks, and the odd squirrel. As I sat down beside a stream, I stopped to throw out an urgent plea to the Universe to grant me love, confidence, and clarity. Three things my heart is telling me that I need to work on. That reminds me of an experience I had while staying with my good friends, Rasamrita and Shyam, in their cottage in the woods of Cheverly.
About a year ago, I was lying in my bed asking for healing from the nature spirits outside the house. I mentally prepared myself for healing by releasing all tension and inviting healing hands to work on me. At the time, I had recently separated from a very abusive relationship. That’s another long story; suffice to say that I really needed healing. My heart was so hurt. As I lay there that early evening, I could sense three beings come into the room and begin gently guiding their hands over my body. It felt loving, and I think I even shed a tear at the time. Then in my mind, I heard a distinct instruction from one of them: “You need to tell yourself, ‘I am light; I am love; I am not afraid anymore.” Since that day, I try to remind myself of these beautiful words. My latest version of this healing “self-talk” is: “I am light; I am love; I am not afraid anymore.”
“My heart continues to heal from a challenging marriage that lasted nine years, a period that taught me valuable lessons about self-worth and resilience.”
So now I’m back to my earlier conundrum – how to define myself? Today I stand on a new horizon of my life. I am still a very young man with lots of hope and dreams inside me. There are so many things I need to experience, including the love of an angel-like partner. My heart burns with passion both for love and for life. “My goal is to cultivate joy within myself and share it with the universe, embodying the essence of my true self.” My spiritual master, Srila Prabhupada, had requested that everyone get a chance to eat prasadam (pure food that is sanctified by offering it to God with love), because he was convinced that by doing this, along with the propagation of pure sound vibration (The Maha Mantra), we could create peace and prosperity in the world. This indeed was Prabhupada’s “peace formula,” and I feel that somehow or other it is a goal that I just have to try to realize. The good news is that I truly believe that it is possible (more on this in another post), and so whatever I end up doing along the winding path of my life, one thing is for sure that expanding the distribution of prasadam (pure food) will be paramount.
So, I guess I just defined myself! No matter how hard I try to be something else; a graphic designer, web developer, inventor, entrepreneur, numerologist, sacred geometrician, BATman, planner, dreamer, greeny, “Krishna-dairian”, ad infinitum, the hard reality is that I will always be known to my closest friends as “Priya” or “Prasadam das”, the “Food Yogi” or the “FFL guy“. I guess that’s the way it is. This seems to be my core being, while all the other things are just superficial layers that I can change as I wish, just like I change my clothes. And I must say, this personal brand is something that I am most comfortable with, and it seems to be the only thing that makes all the hard work worthwhile and my life truly relevant.
“Gratitude to Prabhupada for guiding me on this journey of self-discovery and spiritual growth.”
Priyavrata das
To learn more about my charity work: www.ffl.org
FAQ
Q: How can meditation aid in self-definition?
A: Meditation helps clear mental fog, allowing individuals to connect with their inner selves, fostering clarity and a deeper understanding of personal identity.
Q: What role does spirituality play in defining oneself?
A: Spirituality provides a framework for exploring one’s values and purpose, guiding individuals toward a more defined and meaningful sense of self.
Q: How can past experiences influence self-definition?
A: Past experiences, including challenges and triumphs, shape our understanding of ourselves, contributing to a more comprehensive self-definition.
Q: Why is it important to define one’s identity?
A: Defining one’s identity provides clarity and direction in life, helping individuals align their actions with their core values and aspirations.
Q: Can self-definition change over time?
A: Yes, self-definition is dynamic and can evolve with new experiences, insights, and personal growth, reflecting one’s current state of being.
Q: How does self-talk impact self-definition?
A: Positive self-talk reinforces a healthy self-image and encourages personal growth, aiding in the development of a clear and empowering self-definition.
Q: What does the author mean by “defining” himself?
A: The author concludes that his core identity is not limited to his many roles, such as graphic designer, web developer, inventor, entrepreneur, and numerologist. He identifies most deeply as Priya or Prasadam das, the “Food Yogi,” whose purpose is connected to spiritual growth and expanding the distribution of prasadam.
Q: How does meditation help the author find clarity about his identity?
A: The author meditates for about two hours a day, primarily through mantra meditation, although he admits that his sessions are not always focused. Chanting his mantra while walking along the C&O Canal helped him reflect on his need for love, confidence, and clarity.
Q: What affirmation did the author use during his healing process?
A: After separating from an abusive relationship, the author describes a spiritual healing experience in which he received the message: “I am light; I am love; I am not afraid anymore.” He continues to use this statement as positive self-talk while healing emotionally from a challenging nine-year marriage.
Q: What role does spirituality play in the author’s sense of purpose?
A: Spirituality gives the author a framework for understanding his life, identity, and goals. Influenced by Srila Prabhupada, he believes that distributing prasadam—food sanctified by offering it to God—and sharing the Maha Mantra can help promote peace and prosperity.
Q: Can the author’s identity change even after he discovers his core purpose?
A: Yes. The author views roles such as designer, entrepreneur, planner, dreamer, and “Krishna-dairian” as changeable layers, similar to clothes. Beneath those roles, he believes his enduring identity is connected to being Priya or Prasadam das and serving others through prasadam distribution and spiritual work.
Leave a Reply
You must be logged in to post a comment.