Fairfax, Virginia USA
A eulogy to my father, Rodney John Turner, on the occasion of his funeral, May 15, 2001 (first time published)
My dear family and friends,
First, I would sincerely like to thank you all for coming today to pay your last respects to my father, Rodney Turner.
It is with great regret that I cannot be here today with you.[1] However, please know that I am most certainly here in spirit.
Just recently, I found myself in Australia, believing I was witnessing the final days of my father’s life. Along with my mother, we spent many sleepless nights nursing him and consoling him in his apartment, trying to make his stay at home as comfortable as we could. Even though it was not to be his last days then, I knew in my heart that it would be the last time that I would see him[2].
Determined to mend any past grievances, I focused on healing and nurturing both his and my spiritual journey. Today, I urge you all to do the same.
Many of you are aware that for 14 years I lived the life of a celibate monk. During those years I was able to do a lot of personal healing and soul searching. That experience helped me to grow into a strong and balanced person that I am sure my father is very proud of today.
During my years in an ashram, I embraced a minimalist lifestyle, distancing myself from worldly luxuries. However, I always remembered the things that my father taught me: the examples of determination he showed in always trying to win, his unflinching love for my mother, his “down-to-earth” approach to life’s challenges, and his comedic wit. All of them stayed very close to my heart.
Another characteristic that stood out and which exemplified his life as a “battler” was his oft statement, “You’ve gotta gave a go, mate.” Although simple in nature, the purport, to me at least, was very profound and had a tremendous impact on my life. You can imagine that my father, he taught me many things, but this almost silly statement just seemed to stick with me.
I found it to be consistent with the newfound philosophy on life I garnered from my experience as a monk. After all, I mused, “We are all equal in the eyes of God, so why not try to be the best I can?” The only thing holding us back are the limitations we place upon ourselves, and certainly not any partiality on God’s part. With this in mind, I now go about life with an incredibly positive attitude, knowing that, by God’s grace, I can achieve anything I set my sights on!
Ironically, life dealt my father several harsh blows, causing him to waver in his faith. He looked for sanctuary in alcohol and, of course, never found it. Fortunately, however, he never completely lost his faith, and although he rarely showed it, he was a deeply spiritual man. Looking back, I believe that the tough experiences he had in life, beginning with leaving home at the age of 14 to become a jockey, compelled him to build an emotional fortress around the real person few of us rarely witnessed.
Who was Rodney Turner truly? Was he the charming young jockey who captivated my mother? Was he that barman at the club, loving father of four children, and pool hustler? Was he that “phantom-like” club member who always seemed to have money and yet be out of work? Or was he just a cranky old man that, in the end, didn’t know what was good for him?
I dare say that he was all of them, but at the same time, none of them! After all, the eternal identity of Rodney Turner, my father, your brother, friend, or husband, is that of a servant of God and not flesh and bones. In other words, a spirit soul that never dies but lives on eternally beyond the limitations of a physical and temporary mortal frame.
I love my father, but in truth, I loved the person – the soul that played the role of my father in this life. That experience can never be taken away. It is these special insights and loving memories that live on past the grave – that help us mature spiritually into better sons and daughters of God.
The world is most certainly a “stage” – a place where we play our roles and learn from the experience, and in the end prepares us to return to where we once came from – the Kingdom of God.
Despite his failings (and don’t we all have them?), I believe very strongly that my dad is on his way to that Kingdom. For in his very last minutes, he was blessed to hear the holy name of God uttered in his ear by his loving daughter Julianne. What makes me so sure of this? Simply because all the world’s great spiritual traditions absolutely agree on this one philosophical truth: God is present in his holy name! And the holy names of God are unlimited, Christ, Christos, Allah, Yahweh, Jay and Krishna are but a few.
On days like this, there is nothing wrong in being philosophical. If we deny this basic human need, we will continue to miss the very substance of life’s meaning.
Our time here in these present bodies is short, to say the least. On a cosmic scale, we barely make an impression. That is why we must step back and see the bigger picture and ask, “Why?” It is this intelligent inquiry that elevates us above the animal kingdom and prepares us for true success.
My father tended to “keep his cards close to his chest, “ but I remember having many philosophical talks with him. He did ask why, he believed in reincarnation and he did sincerely try to understand what life was all about. Hopefully now his questions have been answered.
One other very fond memory I have of my father, and one that literally changed my life, was his genuine hospitality and love of offering food to his guests. To this day, I vividly remember him laughing all the while preparing toasted sandwiches (waffles) loaded with red-hot Mexican chilies and then handing them to his innocent guests with a cheeky smile from ear to ear. The funny thing was that although their mouths were literally on fire, they devoured those sandwiches with great relish, and with beads of perspiration rolling down their foreheads, they thanked Dad and asked for more. And he was more than happy to do it all over again. Some of you in the audience may still have the scars to prove it!
Inspired by Dad’s culinary passion, I too found joy in cooking and serving others. In fact, it led me to become the director of the world’s largest vegetarian food relief (www.ffl.org). Having traveled to more than 50 countries, I have lived with and helped some of the most unfortunate people in the world, including visiting refugees in the war zones of Sukhumi and Grozny. It is by far the greatest experience of my life, and I cannot help but give credit to my father for planting that seed in my heart.
Lastly, my father leaves behind his beloved wife, Alison Turner, whose beauty and grace have been a blessing to our family.
Mum, Dad, my love for you both is eternal.
Thank you for everything.
Your youngest son,
Paul Turner, age 37
Paul (center) at age 5. Rodney (right) at 28
Rodney 41, Paul 18
POSTSCRIPT
A profound moment during my father’s final days was witnessing him pray with deep sincerity, a memory not shared in my eulogy. He was dying from Emphysema and his lungs were extremely weak and shallow, requiring him to be on an oxygen machine for up to 18 hours a day. I sat beside my father and encouraged him to pray. I taught him the maha mantra, “Hare Krishna Hare Krishna Krishna Krishna Hare Hare, Hare Rama Hare Rama Rama Rama Hare Hare. I would chant one line at a time: “Hare Krishna” And with extreme difficulty and with the faintest of breaths he responded, “Haaaaareee Krishhhhhna” For him it was like lifting weights. He was in so much pain and could barely breath what to speak of talk. I patiently went through the entire mantra together. It was one of the proudest moments in my life to see my father praying to God with the utmost sincerity. In my heart, I knew God was hearing him and it was at that moment I felt confident that I had completed my duty as a son.
[1] My brothers and sister wanted to give dad a nice send-off and we were all to pay $1500 each for the funeral arrangements. One of my brothers was not able to, so I offered to pay his share and remained in the US. I reasoned that I had just flown to Australia to be with dad a few months before and had said my goodbyes and that it was not necessary to be there for the funeral. It was a hard decision to make. Now 12 years later, I wish I had been there, however, I do believe my presence was felt on that day by everyone.
At the time of the reading my eulogy by the priest (Father Paul), I sat in front of my alter in Virginia, USA and read it aloud all the while picturing myself in front of the assembly of family and friends. I later heard that my offering was deeply felt by everyone, especially the priest who read it on my behalf.
[2] My father’s earnest attempts to chant the holy name deeply moved me, often bringing me to tears during those precious moments.
FAQ
Q: What was Rodney John Turner’s life philosophy?
A: Rodney Turner believed in perseverance and determination, often saying, “You’ve gotta gave a go, mate.” This simple yet profound philosophy greatly influenced his son, Paul, who adopted a positive outlook on life.
Q: How did Rodney Turner influence his son’s spiritual journey?
A: Rodney’s spiritual inclinations and life experiences inspired Paul to explore his own spirituality. Paul’s time as a celibate monk allowed him to reflect on his father’s teachings and grow spiritually.
Q: What role did cooking play in Rodney Turner’s life?
A: Rodney Turner had a genuine love for cooking and hospitality, often delighting guests with his culinary creations. This passion for serving others was passed down to his son, Paul, who became the director of a large vegetarian food relief organization.
Q: How did Rodney Turner’s final days impact his family?
A: During Rodney’s final days, his family witnessed his sincere prayers and spiritual devotion. This profound experience strengthened their belief in his spiritual journey and left a lasting impression on his son, Paul.
Q: What legacy did Rodney Turner leave behind?
A: Rodney Turner left a legacy of love, determination, and spiritual inquiry. His teachings and values continue to inspire his family, particularly his son, Paul, who carries forward his father’s passion for service and spirituality.
Q: How did Rodney Turner’s life experiences shape his character?
A: Rodney’s life experiences, from his early days as a jockey to his later years, shaped his resilient and determined character. Despite life’s challenges, he maintained a deep spiritual connection and a love for his family.
Leave a Reply
You must be logged in to post a comment.