Coping with the Loss of a Loved One

It is never easy to deal with the passing of a beloved family member. Everyone has their own way of processing or rationalizing these events. What works for you may not work for someone else. The fact remains, we all have to experience this part of life. No one escapes.

Recently, my older brother, Mark, passed away due to health complications, leaving a profound impact on our family and me. I was there for his final breath and tried to fulfill my duty as his brother by comforting him and offering prayers. In that room, with the body doing what bodies do at the end, everything becomes incredibly simple—and painfully final.

During challenging times, I lean on my philosophical outlook and spiritual training from my years as a monk, which helps me find peace and understanding. My immediate playbook is to establish in my mind that, despite what I externally know of this person, there is another side of them I can never fully grasp—their soul identity.

What I do know of them is akin to having read and fully understood a few pages in a very large book. But that version of them—that expression of their soul—is no longer before my eyes.

What I and others knew as “Mark,” while his children and grandchildren knew him as “Dad” or “Poppy,” has disappeared from our physical eyes.

When you approach your understanding of that person in this way, it is easy to conclude that we really did not know them as well as we thought.

They, like all of us, have a very unique journey to go through. In other words, their full story has not been told yet. What we know is insignificant compared to what remains unseen.

Despite the security afforded to me by this philosophical approach, it does not diminish the fact that the version I knew of my brother is now a closed book that I cannot interact with anymore. That can be painful.

Alas, the great controller—TIME—was now exerting its pressure on my heart and stealing my “brother” away from my physical connection with him.

This is an important thing to reflect on about this world:

We are perceiving this human experience through senses that are limited by time, space, the ability to gather data, and knowledge filters.

Time: We only have around 60–80 years on average to experience this world in this current incarnation, in a universe that is unimaginably ancient.

Space: We are limited by our capacity to move through space in a universe that is vast beyond comprehension.

Sense perception: What we perceive as reality is but a slice of the entire framework that makes up the full picture of the matrix. For example, our eyes only perceive a tiny fraction of the electromagnetic spectrum—roughly 0.0035% of it. The overwhelming majority of what surrounds us is imperceptible to our eyes. This is the same for all our senses.

Knowledge filters: We are all uniquely programmed by the genetic coding we received from our parents and the environment and associations we have been exposed to. These act as filters when we are presented with new information.

Considering this, it is important to take a big step back and try to see the bigger picture.

All existence is energy in constant transformation, reminding us of the eternal nature of life beyond physical form.

The soul is a part of the divine energy field that is animating physical reality.

Since energy can never be deleted (but only changes form), it is therefore eternal by nature.

The soul that expressed itself as my brother in this one lifetime has moved to the next page in his book of life. It is a page that I currently have no access to. And while I can’t pretend to “know” the details of that next page, what I do know is that my relationship with Mark wasn’t only built on what I could measure with my senses.

Again, this spiritual framework does not diminish the physical and mental pain we will feel from losing access to that version of the soul. However, it does give me solace knowing that the soul is not confined by time and place in the way the body is.

If we can raise our consciousness to the level of the soul, we can learn to navigate these challenging times and feel thankful that we had the experience with them. And even if time feels like an unbreakable law in this world of matter, I hold onto the sense that the story is not finished—only the chapter we could touch with our hands.

For now, I grieve the Mark I could see, hear, and embrace. And I also honor the deeper Mark—whatever he truly is beyond my limited access—continuing his journey.

And just as every river finds its way back to the sea, I believe I will one day meet that soul again—beyond the limits of this world.

FAQ

Q: How can I cope with the loss of a family member?

A: Coping with loss involves acknowledging your feelings, seeking support from loved ones, and possibly exploring spiritual or philosophical perspectives. Allow yourself time to grieve and find comfort in memories.

Q: What philosophical approaches can help with grief?

A: Philosophical approaches, such as understanding the soul’s eternal nature and recognizing the limitations of human perception, can provide solace by offering a broader perspective on life and death.

Q: How does spiritual training aid in dealing with loss?

A: Spiritual training can offer tools for processing grief, such as meditation, prayer, and the belief in a soul’s journey beyond physical life, helping individuals find peace and acceptance.

Q: What are knowledge filters in the context of grief?

A: Knowledge filters refer to the unique programming from genetics and environment that shape how we perceive and process new information, influencing our understanding of loss and grief.

Q: How does time affect our perception of loss?

A: Time limits our experience of life, making loss feel more acute as we realize the finite nature of our physical connections. However, understanding the soul’s timeless nature can offer comfort.

Q: Why is it important to see the bigger picture in grief?

A: Seeing the bigger picture helps us recognize that life is part of a larger, interconnected energy field, allowing us to find meaning and solace in the continuity of the soul’s journey.

Q: Why is it important to allow time for grieving?

A: Grieving is a personal process that requires time to fully experience and process emotions, ultimately leading to healing and acceptance.

Q: What are some common misconceptions about grief?

A: Misconceptions include the belief that grief follows a linear path or that it should be resolved quickly. In reality, grief is unique to each individual and can resurface over time.